Read the past.

It's been quite some time since i came back from Australia. Just tonight I finally have to mood to clear off the mess in my room. As usual, piles and piles of rubbish to throw away.

In the afternoon, my mum just asked me, what was inside those shoe boxes that are hiding at a small corner of my room. A layer of dust covered the surface. Blow away the dust, opened it up, OH a box full of envelopes!

Yup those are my letters/cards collection. I have collected them since I moved to KL in 2003.

A cute birthday card made by Khai Xhuen, written by all of my collegemates in 2006.


The drawing that Shan drew to me in 2008. Illustrating the distance between she and me when i was doing my intern in hometown. Sabah is a state of Malaysia k! =)


From one of my close friends during my form 1 and form 2, look at the date, it was written in 2002!

HAHAHAHAHA I was the luckiest one for that christmas in 2007, but the one who got my gift was the unluckiest one. You should know who you are huh? HAHAHAHAHA

Small pouch made by Mui Yen in 2004, for my birthday! It got dirty due to my poor handling. :S

Looking back at all those letters, cards, notes and small gifts, they lead me all the way back to respective years. They sort of recorded the bits and pieces of my life. And i found out that is one thing i never change since last time, I LOVE complaining! HOHO. I have so many unsatisfaction in life meh???

I used to write this kinda snail mail before the high popularity of ICQ or MSN. The internet connection was so suck back then. Jaring dial up. Does anyone here still using Jaring now? My constant pen pal was my primary school mate, Suk Ling. We are no longer using snail mail to keep in touch, but we have another way of keeping in touch. We shared alot, we bitched alot. She was and she is still the source for knowing more updates from hometown. We used to send letter very often to each other, constantly sent small lovely gifts, eventhough the gifts were so small, nothing at people's eyes, but they meant alot to me! some of them I still keep them til now! I remember, everytime after school, the first thing after stepping out from school bus, was to peek into the pigeon hole and checked if i'd got a mail! Whenever the envelope had my name on it, it did really brighten up my day! The excitement was undescribable!

The excitement is decreasing day by day. I don't peek into the pigeon hole that often anymore. The peeking excitement switches to opening email inbox. However, both excitements are incomparable. I still love reading people's handwriting. I find handwriting can express the full real feelings and emotions of the writer more, compare to dull emotionless typewriting.

I hope the amount of letters and cards I got is still counting!

hope. unchanged.

Know what.

Sometimes, I feel that I should
1. Never go to Melbourne, OR
2. Never come back to Malaysia

p/s: Are you (still) with me?~~*

Simply because I care.

on the 12th march,

Kwong wrote:

自己很在乎的
發現
原來沒有人在乎

朋友
我又有多少？

Direct translation:
I do care alot
But I just realise
There is actually nobody even want to bother about it.

Friends,
How many do I have?


Somehow, I have the same thought over the past few days. I was putting myself into a deep thinking moment just to find out the exact explanation and number. I told myself before, when you are actually treating people well, never ever expect for return. I treat you good, simply because I care for you, I feel happy for doing so. I can swear to god, I have no unfavourable intention behind.

When you find that there is no friends going the same way with you, maybe you should slow down your pace, your friends are walking too slow. Or perhaps, you are walking too slow, you should speed up a little bit to catch up with your friends. It's all about tolerance. Do not just think about you yourself, sometimes, you should also put yourself in somebody's shoes, and think with his/her mind. Then you will realise that, the way that somebody's think is not the same like how you think about that somebody. That somebody might have his/her personal reason for thinking in that way. Do not walk in front of your friend, Do not walk behind your friend, instead you must walk parallely with your friend!

Friends are actually all around you. They might not be appearing when you are in deep shit, but you should know they are always there for you! At least, I will always be available for you! 24 hours on call! =)

=x

True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.

When we don't talk, or rather seldom talk, hope that you know what's in my mind. The mutual understanding and faith we have on each other is enough for us to communicate without opening the mouth.

To my friends.

When I cry, you help me out.
When I talk, you hear me out.
When I grin, you know that I am mad.
When I'm happy, you hear me shout.
When I'm sad, you can tell.

As we grow older. The amount of friends we have might increase as time goes by, but which of those are actually willing to sit down and talk to you? listen to your grumbles? solve your doubts? cheer you up when you have a really bad day?

I was once like to celebrate my birthday with bunch of friends, as much people as possible, the more the merrier. Celebrate new year eve or christmas eve at some crowded place, squeezed with sweary wet bodies, spraying form to strangers or cars. Outing with a lot of people, keep calling and messaging people to come for gathering.

The me now, finds that, actually, whenever you go out with a lot of people, eventually, those people will separate into small groups and chat among their groups. So what's the point of gathering all the people at the first place? Some people might be entertained, some might be just get ignored. Why not make it small, so every participants can involve, and make every outing a meaningful one!

Come back to the number of friends part, real true friends that willing to share and listen, you do not need so many of them, 1 is enough, if you are lucky, you might have few of them.



Real true friendship is hard to find. When you have one, appreciate it!! =)
Yes I appreciate YOU!

哭砂-黄莺莺



你是我最苦涩的等待
让我欢喜又害怕未来
你最爱说你是一颗尘埃
偶而会恶作剧的飘进我眼里
宁愿我哭泣 不让我爱你
你就真的像尘埃消失在风里
难得来看我 却又离开我
让那手中泻落的砂像泪水流
你是我最痛苦的抉择
为何你从不放弃飘泊
海对你是那么难分难舍
你总是带回满口袋的砂给我
难得来看我 却又离开我
让那手中泻落的砂像泪水流

风吹来的砂落在悲伤的眼里
谁都看出我在等你
风吹来的砂堆积在心理
是谁也擦不去的痕迹
风吹来的砂穿过所有的记忆
谁都知道我在想你
风吹来的砂冥冥在哭泣
难道早就预言了分离

classic classic. add on to my k-song list!!!!

uncertain...........

有种莫名的感觉
是奇妙的？
是伤感的？
是失落的？
是兴奋的？
是亢奋的？

不确定

可以肯定的是
那是负面的

是压力？是家事？是功课？是人事？

到底为了什么？

我不知道

很想找个角落
或一个陌生的地方
逃离这一切
痛痛快快地哭一场
再回来做回平常的我

可是我哭不出来。。。。。

其实我很不想在别人面前将自己最软弱的一面呈现出来
我不需要别人可怜 不需要别人担心
只是偶尔想释放一下 就好
借我肩膀靠就好

当眼泪静悄悄从我脸颊滑过
请不要问我为什么
好吗？

It doesn't matter!

Already gone - Kelly Clarkson

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even without fists held high, yeah
Never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now
I can't stop

I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone
I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, Oooo, oh
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone
I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone...

p/s: something that is gone, just leave it, and let go. Don't suffer over it, but get through over it. It is not worth to even cry over it.
You are not alone, and i am always be with you~

Not yet a shopaholic!

Please control meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Been spending for too much in the past few weeks.

Went to adidas factory outlet last monday. AiFang and BaoLi got the voucher of 40% off for every adidas products. Sia predicted that none of us will buy anything there except AiFang. Surprisingly, everyone of us bought things. I bought a laptop bag. Original price was $120, and it is having 40% off right now!!!! Took me a longgggggggggggggg while to consider. They all persuaded me to buy it. and gosh i really got it! Easily to get influenced.

The next day, happily bringing my new bag to maccas, i think there was where i lost my mp3. Did not zip my bag properly. Although i am still not sure where did i lose it. But i was pretty sure i cant find it anymore after coming back from maccas.
MOURN FOR MR BEAN pleaseeeeeeeeeee. and My good-base-sound hook earphone. Sad case.

Okay. then i got myself an ipod shuffle. a red one. Reason why getting the red instead of any other colour? Red is special, can only buy it from apple retail shop. Wanted to get creative. When i asked the salesperson of dick smith, she said creative is totally out of business. HUH? i thought creative is selling quite good in malaysia. The disadvantage of ipod is it does not have radio function.

Been eating out for quite often this sem. The groceries i bought, start rotting at home. And i still keep on buying new things every week.

The moment you pay with cash or card, the moment the cashier passes you the shopping bag, the moment you open it and take a look of your stuff to make sure it is safely and securely kept inside the bag, the moment you hold it in hand and bring it back home. Those moments are very satisfying and super excited!

Behind the scene,

The moment you get online and check your account balance, the moment you withdraw money from atm, the moment you cut off the tags, the moment you take a serious look at the thing you just bought, and the moment you start to think carefully "why are you so special til i need to get you with such a price?" "how long are you going to serve me?". Those moments are so complicated and indescribable.

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Control me pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Remind me to S.A.V.E!!!

p/s: the food here in australia actually taste nicer than malaysia, except malaysia local food.
Jap! Korea! Greek! Chinese! Italian! oishi! ichiban! hochak! haochi! yummy! sedap! haoxit! housek!

Regret.

If you were to ask me what will you change if you could turn back time?

At this moment, i would answer you, i want to change my decision.

Seriously. I may have made a wrong choice. It haunts me. I just do not really know why, that decision would turn out to be a mistake. A mistake which lead to loss of something. That something I cherish, I care, and I appreciate. Before that, the consequences flashed to my mind before, but I thought I can get through it. At the end, still I cant escape from it. Maybe that is its fate.

I tried to help to make things better. However it does not turn out to be well. Things do not change. I fed up after few trials. I am so sick with the current. Is it just me? Does anyone feel the same way?

Just let it be. I do not give a damn anymore. I notice my change after this.

I've lost my patience. I become so alert to people who is trying to take advantage of me. More and more evil bubbles popping up surrounding my head. I am becoming a cold-blooded person. More complaints. More curses. I feel like evil horns and tails start growing out from my head and ass.

Other than upset, what more can i do?

p/s: i feel like i am a kid right now, i want my mother and i want to go home.